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Trojan Horse

 I used to think that I was a pretty good judge of character, I could, and still can, read people.  Have you ever missed the mark though and allowed a Trojan horse to infiltrate your inner circle?  At this age, I really thought people ( as a whole) grew out of these antics. That mean girls mature and become nice, that manipulators find their real value to others and press into the authentic ways to communicate.   Definitely naivety at it's best, but really its me always wanting to believe that people are better than that, that people grow, heal and desire genuine connections. An unfortunate reality, mean girls grow up to be mean women, manipulators only hone their skills and damaged people choose to damage other people.  It's sad! I can wish all day long that everyone is good to their core. That each person wants to be the best version of themselves and desires to do the hard work on themselves but there will always be wolves in sheep clothing amongst us. ...
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Squirrel

 Do you ever have Squirrel brain?  If you aren't sure what i'm referring to, lets take a journey!! A journey through what its like to be my brain on any given day. I wake up, so tired, already thinking about bedtime that night.  Get kids off to school and begin to start a load of laundry, but I notice once I'm in the laundry room that there are tools that need to be put away in the garage.  So I take the tools out to the garage, where I see the shop vac and remember that the kids spilled goldfish in my car. So I start vacuuming my car.  Where I stumble upon a shoe that has no match, so I go bak inside to pair this lonely shoe with its mate...and realize that once upstairs that kids didn't make their beds.  So mid bed making I find a hair bow that needs to go in the bow box downstairs.  As I'm descending the stairs I recognize a pull in my hamstring and think "yay, I'm getting a little exercise", which reminds me I haven't eaten.  I walk into the k...

Seasons of Change

  Do you ever have the sensation of shedding your skin and stepping out an improved version of you, feeling a wave of growth and change in yourself?  So often, when I am experiencing this season of change, I'm very quick to put myself back in the box and in turn stunt my own growth.  I accept the lies of the enemy as my own voice for myself.  How do you body step into the "you" that you know you're being called to be without allowing the doubt and fear weigh you back down?  I want to leave my mark, stand for the things I believe in, and make a difference that has lasting effects on my children.  I want them to see the possibilities and go after their dreams.   Having been a stay at home mom for 12 years now, I feel that it limits the possibility of being taken serious out in the real world.  The reality here is that if I undervalue myself and I hold myself back, it's never really been about being afraid of what others might think; it's about letti...

Collateral Damage

      Do you ever find  yourself unable to turn your brain off at night, to play and replay events, conversations, hurts, perceived betrayals and even possible resolutions?  When you wake, if you ever managed to turn it off and sleep, do you wake with a heaviness?       The reality right now is that we're living in a time where there are many  uncertainties.  Between Covid-19 and political unrest it already feels insurmountable.  Let's add in the everyday life stresses, our kids, their educational challenges,  maybe a family member's health, a pet that's nearing the end of their life, stressed relationships,  battling anxiety,  job security or  feelings of being overwhelmed.  We all have something that plays on a loop in our mind, something we think we can fix, control or do better at.  Somewhere in there, if we give these things too much space to live, is self-doubt.  When that takes root it can s...

Anxiety is a Mother, She's also a Savage

      I cast my anxiety away years ago, to a land called "Anti-Anxiety Land", sure she popped in from time to time, but she was very mellow and only stayed briefly.  Well, I did a thing, I brought her back from exile!  She has come back like a freight train, she robs me of sleep, she robs me of silence in my head, she's like an endless therapy session.  She wants to hash out the same things over and over..on repeat!!!       But I'll tell you what, she hasn't said anything that isn't true so far!  She's pointed out a lot of areas where I accepted less than, where I let others steal my joy, where I let others speak untruths over me, where I allowed those close to me to wound me the most.  My anxiety, she came back and she wants to shape me up!  For a week she allowed me to wallow in it, she allowed some self doubt and for my motivation to wane.   Last night was a different story, She kept me up until...

Lines in the Sand

 This would be so beneficial if it could be an actual conversation, that's just wishful thinking though! You can't make someone hear your heart when they aren't capable of even seeing you for you.   When you reach out on text but your tone, intent and words are manipulated/twisted to fit someone else's narrative, then you know it's pointless.  When you very clearly state why you did something OR didn't do something and even that is turned into you being sly or rude about the way you deliver a feeling, there's no getting through.  You care about this person, clearly, or it wouldn't hurt so much.   But consider this...you're so worried about someone who isn't worried about you.   When someone shows you who they are, pay attention...If they will talk bad about others to you, you better believe they will talk bad about you to others.  It's a hard lesson to learn, and generally takes getting caught in the crosshairs to really figure it out.  It...

Covid & Current Climate...and a birthday party

I've been on somewhat of an apology tour the last few days...It doesn't deliver good feelings or help stress/anxiety levels.  It's not the apologizing that's difficult, I am one to always try to look after everyones feelings and own when I owe an apology.  I don't always get it right either!!  I'm human, I'm flawed...but I'm also a mama trying to protect my cubs, my family and even my loved ones.      We have many friends and family members who have had to cancel weddings, trips, work events and birthday parties for their kids..several have even lost jobs or been furloughed.  Covid has reared its ugly head and made seeing loved ones, family friends, the people we do life with a down right impossibility for months.  Even now, its severely limited.  Everyone is trying to do what they think is best for themselves, their kids, their family...for their community.     After initially thinking we wouldn't get to have a...