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Anxiety is a Mother, She's also a Savage

     I cast my anxiety away years ago, to a land called "Anti-Anxiety Land", sure she popped in from time to time, but she was very mellow and only stayed briefly.  Well, I did a thing, I brought her back from exile!  She has come back like a freight train, she robs me of sleep, she robs me of silence in my head, she's like an endless therapy session.  She wants to hash out the same things over and over..on repeat!!! 

    But I'll tell you what, she hasn't said anything that isn't true so far!  She's pointed out a lot of areas where I accepted less than, where I let others steal my joy, where I let others speak untruths over me, where I allowed those close to me to wound me the most.  My anxiety, she came back and she wants to shape me up!  For a week she allowed me to wallow in it, she allowed some self doubt and for my motivation to wane. 

 Last night was a different story, She kept me up until 5:30am!!!  I was made very aware of situations and when I COULD HAVE put my foot down, but I didn't.  I was too worried about offending or hurting someones feelings.  I was reminded that "I get to set the tone for what is allowed in my life."  In moments that I knew I was the wrong audience for someones negative words,  I stayed silent and listened as not to offend.  Why do we do this to ourselves?  After these one sided conversations I would feel weird being privy to this information or for not informing the person that had just been mischaracterized that there's someone who is doing their reputation harm.  

    My anxiety is trying to convince me to have the hard conversation, to lay things out bare (not to be hurtful, but to cleanse the situation entirely).  Is it worth it though, will it fall on deaf ears as it has many times before, will it even resonate with this person.  If someone can NEVER see their own faults and acts victimized on every front...will it do any good?!?

Do I put up or shut up? Do I take my anxieties advice and put it all out there?  Or do I let it linger and hope for the best?  


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