I've been on somewhat of an apology tour the last few days...It doesn't deliver good feelings or help stress/anxiety levels. It's not the apologizing that's difficult, I am one to always try to look after everyones feelings and own when I owe an apology. I don't always get it right either!! I'm human, I'm flawed...but I'm also a mama trying to protect my cubs, my family and even my loved ones.
We have many friends and family members who have had to cancel weddings, trips, work events and birthday parties for their kids..several have even lost jobs or been furloughed. Covid has reared its ugly head and made seeing loved ones, family friends, the people we do life with a down right impossibility for months. Even now, its severely limited. Everyone is trying to do what they think is best for themselves, their kids, their family...for their community.
After initially thinking we wouldn't get to have a party for our daughter, who turned 4, we were able to pull off a simple celebration. It was tricky though, the little girls salon we wanted to take C and her friends to only allowed 4 children and 2 parents(ONLY)...you couldn't do cake there at all. We opted to have our little friends over to our home for an hour and do ice cream and cake. We limited invites back to our home to C's girlfriends, their moms and those that we quarantined/social distanced with. Some of those family members mentioned a week before that they weren't comfortable being around us due to our recent travel and other health concerns. We all have our own comfort level and boundaries so that wasn't a shock or an issue. We already knew who weren't doing any travel and staying in..which made it easy to not offend or upset anyone. We explained to our parents that for the safety of C's guest and their parents comfort level, we would not be having out of town guests, or anyone who worked around the public. Both mine and my husbands parents were amazing and beyond understanding. Whew, I thought I dodged a bullet. I'm explaining all this to say, I still upset people, I still let people down...in doing what I thought was best, in doing what I thought was others wishes, I still managed to alienate some. I did right by my family but not for all the people in our life. Sometimes the best of intentions aren't met with understanding and in a time like this, with Covid, its tricky to navigate all the landmines!! I wanted to be respectful of the concerns and wishes that were shared with me so while I mentioned C's party I didn't send out formal invites unless I already knew there was an intent on joining us. I didn't want to feel like I was being pushy, when others already told me where they stood. What I'm really getting at is this....
We are all out of our element!! We are all doing the best we can and we are all still struggling. We're all hurting, we are all trying to navigate our feelings and decisions in these really isolated times. We aren't at our best when we don't have our people and our routines. For example, I have 3 kids and I have started to notice them struggling with their emotions. They are feeling anxious and angry, they have no idea why...but I do! I'm their mama and I see what's going on. They are out of their element too, they don't understand what's going on. They need their peers, they need the structure that school offers..the outlet even. They need to be busy being kids and kids can't be cooped up, its not good for their little spirits.
So...Is it hard to believe that us adults are struggling as well. We're supposed to keep it together, to look out for our families and loved ones. But we are emotional beings as well, we're allowed to feel lost and hurt.
You add it all up and of course there will be hurt feelings. Though you made your boundaries known and knew it wouldn't be a good idea to be around loved ones, doesn't mean you didn't want to be there!! I think that by showing grace and taking a second to understanding one another AND this incredible tricky time we find ourselves in...it will alleviate a lot of woundedness and discord. I know I'm not the only parent who has found themselves in hot water for doing what they felt was the right thing. My heart hurts for anyone who felt left out or that there was any intent. Ultimately I did what was right for my daughter, in order to give her a great birthday celebration. Of course the sting of having to clean up a mess I made when I thought I was totally winning at mom, party planner, crowd control and maintaining the upmost respect for all involved...the sting came as shock. I can only vow to be MORE intentional and considerate moving forward.
Theres so much more going on around us that's much graver so I can't dwell on my mistakes. The reality of the things going on in our country is bearing down on all of us. Covid happened, it happened to everyone, whether you had/have it or not we have all been consumed and effected by it. The world is in recovery, our country is in shambles.
In the time that Covid has swept through our world so have many other earth shattering events..Our current climate with racism is at an all time high or a social media induced high. Im not as educated on all of it as I would like to be. What I do know is what I have seen, the stories I have heard from loved ones and its heart breaking. I may not be black but my heart hurts with those that are facing such horrible injustices. You know the whole "hurting people hurt people"...this community is hurting and some are lashing out, they are acting out and they are trying to express themselves. Maybe not in a great way and I don't agree with riots, vandalism or harming others...but I have to wonder if those acting on their emotions feel like there is no other way. They are wounded and don't know how to use their voice or literally don't think they can possibly be heard over all the noise. Enough is enough, we bleed the same, we hurt the same..playing out the past will never set us on a forward movement toward loving one another, helping one another and truly hearing one another. We have to do better!!
Covid and Racism isn't all though. Theres a bill that is trying to passed called "The equality act", which from the outside sounds like an obvious need in our country. Dig deeper though, this bill also goes on to protect pedophiles, to allow them to operate out in the open, legally!!! It allows them to come out of their dark holes, out from behind the cover of the dark web and operate as a protected group. Leaving our children unprotected. In this bill, this group is trying to take the age of consent from 17yrs of age to 4 YEARS OLD!!! They are trying to classify themselves as those that "identify" as 8yr olds rather than their actual 30, 50, 60 yrs of age and in turn allow them to engage in sexual relationships with the age of the children they lust after. IT'S CRIMINAL! IT'S SICKENING!
So, while we're busy trying to navigate everyday life...I implore you to also stay in the know about what else is lurking. Ask questions, accept that we aren't going to get it right every time, be emotional(its ok) and make sure to express love not only to your loved ones but to your neighbors and those struggling with things we may not see or understand.
Show your humanity!!! We need more of that!
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