No Drama Mama

      I cast my anxiety away years ago, to a land called "Anti-Anxiety Land", sure she popped in from time to time, but she was very mellow and only stayed briefly.  Well, I did a thing, I brought her back from exile!  She has come back like a freight train, she robs me of sleep, she robs me of silence in my head, she's like an endless therapy session.  She wants to hash out the same things over and over..on repeat!!!       But I'll tell you what, she hasn't said anything that isn't true so far!  She's pointed out a lot of areas where I accepted less than, where I let others steal my joy, where I let others speak untruths over me, where I allowed those close to me to wound me the most.  My anxiety, she came back and she wants to shape me up!  For a week she allowed me to wallow in it, she allowed some self doubt and for my motivation to wane.   Last night was a different story, She kept me up until...

 This would be so beneficial if it could be an actual conversation, that's just wishful thinking though! You can't make someone hear your heart when they aren't capable of even seeing you for you.   When you reach out on text but your tone, intent and words are manipulated/twisted to fit someone else's narrative, then you know it's pointless.  When you very clearly state why you did something OR didn't do something and even that is turned into you being sly or rude about the way you deliver a feeling, there's no getting through.  You care about this person, clearly, or it wouldn't hurt so much.   But consider this...you're so worried about someone who isn't worried about you.   When someone shows you who they are, pay attention...If they will talk bad about others to you, you better believe they will talk bad about you to others.  It's a hard lesson to learn, and generally takes getting caught in the crosshairs to really figure it out.  It...