No Drama Mama

      I cast my anxiety away years ago, to a land called "Anti-Anxiety Land", sure she popped in from time to time, but she was very mellow and only stayed briefly.  Well, I did a thing, I brought her back from exile!  She has come back like a freight train, she robs me of sleep, she robs me of silence in my head, she's like an endless therapy session.  She wants to hash out the same things over and over..on repeat!!!       But I'll tell you what, she hasn't said anything that isn't true so far!  She's pointed out a lot of areas where I accepted less than, where I let others steal my joy, where I let others speak untruths over me, where I allowed those close to me to wound me the most.  My anxiety, she came back and she wants to shape me up!  For a week she allowed me to wallow in it, she allowed some self doubt and for my motivation to wane.   Last night was a different story, She kept me up until...

 This would be so beneficial if it could be an actual conversation, that's just wishful thinking though! You can't make someone hear your heart when they aren't capable of even seeing you for you.   When you reach out on text but your tone, intent and words are manipulated/twisted to fit someone else's narrative, then you know it's pointless.  When you very clearly state why you did something OR didn't do something and even that is turned into you being sly or rude about the way you deliver a feeling, there's no getting through.  You care about this person, clearly, or it wouldn't hurt so much.   But consider this...you're so worried about someone who isn't worried about you.   When someone shows you who they are, pay attention...If they will talk bad about others to you, you better believe they will talk bad about you to others.  It's a hard lesson to learn, and generally takes getting caught in the crosshairs to really figure it out.  It...

I've been on somewhat of an apology tour the last few days...It doesn't deliver good feelings or help stress/anxiety levels.  It's not the apologizing that's difficult, I am one to always try to look after everyones feelings and own when I owe an apology.  I don't always get it right either!!  I'm human, I'm flawed...but I'm also a mama trying to protect my cubs, my family and even my loved ones.      We have many friends and family members who have had to cancel weddings, trips, work events and birthday parties for their kids..several have even lost jobs or been furloughed.  Covid has reared its ugly head and made seeing loved ones, family friends, the people we do life with a down right impossibility for months.  Even now, its severely limited.  Everyone is trying to do what they think is best for themselves, their kids, their family...for their community.     After initially thinking we wouldn't get to have a...

FRIENDS... I need a break!! I planned on this season being about renewal and exciting changes.  I planned on getting my pre-mom body back and stepping up my health overhaul. I'm on month 11 of nonstop fever, joint pain, facial rash, migraines and extreme fatigue.  My body is waging a war against itself...its ridiculous!!  I've seen countless types of doctors and been poked and prodded over and over.  No answers! Currently waiting for genetic testing to find a suspected mutated cell...I mean come on!! Can this mama catch a break?!? Another tough part of it all, who can I talk to about this?  I've kept it so close to the vest, thankfully I do have some awesome people in my life that have stepped in as family.  I can talk to them about everything, but I can't express the fear to them or anyone else.  I don't think anyone will understand, but really I'm afraid to burden anyone with my struggle.  At the same time, I'm tired of pretending that I f...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ouvnQNB75_U https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AW5dXgv58dk Brokeness - to be fractured, incomplete, a state of disarray.   What most don't realize though, is that brokenness is also raw vulnerability. It's beautiful!  Brokeness takes us to a point where we can see who we are and begin the process of loving ourselves.  It's shedding our skin of everything we've been told that we are and who we are.  Brokeness allows us to shake all those lies spoken over us, all the "old"...just bare and raw "you" left!