I captioned the phrase "Happily Ever After" under a photo I posted on social media recently, that phrase has continued to caused me unsettled feelings. For the life of me I couldn't figure out what I was trying to work out in my mind and in my heart.
There is so much more that should have gone in that caption other that "Happily Ever After". The reality is that there is no "Happily Ever After". It's more like, “ Let's give it our best today, Lets choose each other, or today is tough but lets choose joy, love, hope.”
Marriage is a choice!! You choose each other every single day, you're intentional with your words and actions, you give yourself to another person.
My husband and I met when we were 18 years old and shortly after we were inseparable... There's no fairy tale or Happily Ever After to our story. The reality is that we wake up every morning and choose to be happy in our relationship, we choose to share ourselves, we choose to honor each other, we also choose to serve one another...in the good times and the hard times!
Speaking for myself, I have never once woken up and felt anything less than crazy, mad in love with the man next to me! Even if we went to bed mad or had a rough day of communicating with each other the day before...in the moment where I was the maddest I have ever been with him, I still knew I didn't want to live without this man. Thats saying a lot because at an early age I believed I could never count on anyone for anything..I could never rest my needs on anyone.
So for me, the most beautiful part, for this guarded girl, was this.... I let him in, not because I needed him, I stopped needing people a long time ago. It was because I wanted him, I wanted to need him...that is the purest love of all!!
That being said, the only "Happily Ever After" is the one you and your partner create!
My husband and I do feel very blessed in our marriage. Blessed because we have utilized the tools God has laid out for us. We've walked through so much in our marriage, whether it be health complications, family tension, pregnancies/miscarriages, lies spoken over us, loss, even to seeing relationships heal and flourish, starting a family, success in career...And yes, even creating a marriage that is fulfilling. We have to give credit to our trials, milestones and successes not only to knowing who we are but who's we are! Neither my spouse nor I will ever come close to being perfect, if you're expecting perfection from someone(or anyone for that matter) then you're setting yourself up for inevitable disappointment. Our character is in our imperfections, how we chose to let our imperfections steer us in life is where "who we are and who's we are" intersect. We don't base our choices on our imperfections, rather in spite of our imperfections.
If I'm going to be totally transparent then I have to share a time that was our worst...
We were dealing with family turmoil that just about brought us to the brink of irreversible damage to our marriage...not because we didn't love each other but because the drama/pressure from those family members was too much. We were expecting our first child and still learning so much about growing a family together and figuring out boundaries for those around us. We came from two completely different backgrounds, two totally different upbringings. So, when it came to us having a child, there were too many opinions swirling around us..when in the end there is only room for two. Mine and His!! What we finally realized is that they could fall in line with what our decisions and boundaries were for our family Or they could continue to fall out about it and find themselves on the outside. We were no longer giving them power over us, it nearly destroyed us once but never again!
How you navigate the hard times is really so essential to your relationship...once you figure that out, there isn't much that can shake your foundation.
Make the mental decision to "Choose" each other every single day!
There is so much more that should have gone in that caption other that "Happily Ever After". The reality is that there is no "Happily Ever After". It's more like, “ Let's give it our best today, Lets choose each other, or today is tough but lets choose joy, love, hope.”
Marriage is a choice!! You choose each other every single day, you're intentional with your words and actions, you give yourself to another person.
My husband and I met when we were 18 years old and shortly after we were inseparable... There's no fairy tale or Happily Ever After to our story. The reality is that we wake up every morning and choose to be happy in our relationship, we choose to share ourselves, we choose to honor each other, we also choose to serve one another...in the good times and the hard times!
Speaking for myself, I have never once woken up and felt anything less than crazy, mad in love with the man next to me! Even if we went to bed mad or had a rough day of communicating with each other the day before...in the moment where I was the maddest I have ever been with him, I still knew I didn't want to live without this man. Thats saying a lot because at an early age I believed I could never count on anyone for anything..I could never rest my needs on anyone.
So for me, the most beautiful part, for this guarded girl, was this.... I let him in, not because I needed him, I stopped needing people a long time ago. It was because I wanted him, I wanted to need him...that is the purest love of all!!
That being said, the only "Happily Ever After" is the one you and your partner create!
My husband and I do feel very blessed in our marriage. Blessed because we have utilized the tools God has laid out for us. We've walked through so much in our marriage, whether it be health complications, family tension, pregnancies/miscarriages, lies spoken over us, loss, even to seeing relationships heal and flourish, starting a family, success in career...And yes, even creating a marriage that is fulfilling. We have to give credit to our trials, milestones and successes not only to knowing who we are but who's we are! Neither my spouse nor I will ever come close to being perfect, if you're expecting perfection from someone(or anyone for that matter) then you're setting yourself up for inevitable disappointment. Our character is in our imperfections, how we chose to let our imperfections steer us in life is where "who we are and who's we are" intersect. We don't base our choices on our imperfections, rather in spite of our imperfections.
If I'm going to be totally transparent then I have to share a time that was our worst...
We were dealing with family turmoil that just about brought us to the brink of irreversible damage to our marriage...not because we didn't love each other but because the drama/pressure from those family members was too much. We were expecting our first child and still learning so much about growing a family together and figuring out boundaries for those around us. We came from two completely different backgrounds, two totally different upbringings. So, when it came to us having a child, there were too many opinions swirling around us..when in the end there is only room for two. Mine and His!! What we finally realized is that they could fall in line with what our decisions and boundaries were for our family Or they could continue to fall out about it and find themselves on the outside. We were no longer giving them power over us, it nearly destroyed us once but never again!
How you navigate the hard times is really so essential to your relationship...once you figure that out, there isn't much that can shake your foundation.
Make the mental decision to "Choose" each other every single day!
Comments
Post a Comment