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Leading Lady


As much as I want to blog about all the joys of being a Mom, Wife, Friend, Sister...etc.  I think its important to just get real with you. With so many people trying to fit the perfect "social media standard" looking family, lifestyle or #relationshipgoals, isn't it refreshing to be reminded that life can be messy, and that its ok? Of course we all want kids that don't talk back, a clean house, a boss wardrobe, friendships that make us not feel so alone and that resemble "those girls who seem inseparable and are always laughing."  But, that may not be our reality!

My reality is this....
I'm a mom of 3: 3 beautiful children at all different stages, who are 3 completely different little     people. Who, at any moment can be having 3 completely different meltdowns. They, love hard, play hard, and crash hard! God love 'em!!
I'm a wife: Thinking about this man makes an instant smile come to my face, Oh he is the love of my life!! He's exceptional..and He chooses me everyday just as I choose Him everyday!!
I'm a Stay at home mom: I'm a tad on the OCD side about having a tidy house but I'm a fan of letting play time come before the chores, I'd love to say that every night is a home cooked meal with no dinner dishes leftover for the next days chores, ugh but thats not true...take out can be a moms best friend and those dishes well..they can wait(baby steps).
I'm a friend: Friendship is special, my husband and I nurture our friendships, they're our village! Most of our friendships are friendships we've had for many many years(16-28 yrs).  There are some of these friendships that surpass that title and they're family.  (I will cut anyone who says their not, lol)
I'm a sister: I have a handful of sisters and for the most part I get it right. I love them fiercely! For whatever reason though, this is were my messy comes in..one sister,  one sister who has some strange ideas about who I am.  And this is the part of my life that keeps me awake at night.. well it did for a long time.  I spent so much time starring at the ceiling while the world slept and all I could process or try to process was...how does someone set out to so boldly create stories for someone else's life?!? Like, in what alternate universe does someone rewind time in your life, pause it, insert events and then fast forward to the present...then drop a bomb on your life and say
"oh and how about that time you..."  wait what??
Confronting the situation gives way to no clarity or righting the invasive re-editing of my past.  Rather, leaves more unrest and lack of understanding for why this was necessary to begin with.  Did I knock my head and get amnesias somewhere along the way?!? At the end of the day I can no better explain why others do what they do as I can tell you why the earth is round!! 
For awhile, not only did I coach myself on the fact that I will never know where this came from or why someone would think such things about me, but I have talked to many of my close friends about the accusations.  At times its been comical to me because its so ludicrous but behind the laughing my heart actually aches. It doesn't ache for me though, it aches because this sister of mine has missed out on me for so long due to creating false narratives on who she wanted me to be. But why?? 
In all this missed time, instead of having truly wholesome connections with one another and loving one another through dire life seasons the focus was instead on this character that was purely made up. A character, who in her book couldn't be trusted and who's every move was analyzed as you might watch the movement of your next target say if you're spy in the upcoming James Patterson novel...good grief.
I guess this is my form of therapy, this is the only outlet I will ever get to say these things as I might be saying it to her.  In life though, how often are wrongs righted and how often are injustices apologized for? 
There's so much more to me than this one messy editing of my story line.  The author however is someone I can't help but love and continue to want to grow a better relationship with.

 Everyday I learn something about myself, in all my leading lady roles!!  
Here's to the next chapter!! 

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